So Much More Than a Christmas Letter - Free Write

Hey guys, It's uh been a minute and here we find ourselves.This voice is still here and it's coming from a place of gratitude and curiosity. I still don't know on what I swill speak on but stick around...

The title is exactly as it sounds. This is so much more a Christmas letter. As the year is coming to a close, I would love to wish my friends a very happy and endearing Christmas. I love you guys and you know who you are. I've reiterated this a million times and each time it is still as true as it will ever be. I don't lose love for any of you, there could be a ton of reasons as to why this is true but it ends up being a simple one. Like two linemen, it all relates back to impact and driving forces.

 Each one you has created a permanence, a sort of fossil like quality that is marked on the crust of my skin and I feel like I truly do carry all of you with me.

However, this is more than just a Christmas letter, 2019 has been a gift to me. I don't mean as a gift of life or more time on this earth. I mean the trials and the wars I've had to juggle in the brain. A gift is typically wrapped and tailored to you and perhaps this year has been just that.

This year has been embellished by lessons. I really had to push through a lot of things have barricaded me and made turtle myself into shell. You know, life is only really lived with your heart exposed and anything less than that is kind of a disservice to yourself and really, anyone that experiences you.


The biggest one for me is that I was forcing myself to believe a narrative that wasn't really inline with everything that I wanted to get out of life. I went down this rabbit hole of why I would go out of my way to make myself feel this way and it got dark. It was almost like a form of addiction. Living in a certain kind of head space can really can be addictive especially if its traumatic or life changing. The head space for me was one of depression and self pity and anger and why me?

I mean it seems really ridiculous now. I think I have certain gifts but I let other events in my life dim them and being away from yourself can really weigh on you.

I'm extremely grateful for a lot of things. There are just so many things for me to workout and before I might of looked at it as such a arduous task, but now its exciting. The potential, the opportunities, and the joy that would bring is a destination that really excites me.